I can’t believe what is about to happen, never in a million years did I think this would happen. I’m about to bury my little girl, my baby, my only daughter. The last few weeks have been the toughest days of my life, knowing that I will never get to hold her, or tell her I love her again just makes me more and more depressed. I constantly keep thinking why didn’t they just shoot me instead of my baby girl, I should’ve protected her, this shouldn’t be happening but instead i’m here in the church sitting right across from a casket that had my only daughter inside. I felt numb I just wanted to wake up and this be a dream and not reality. I looked around me and everyone was crying.
Karrueche was sitting on the other side of the church and she looked like she wasn’t coping. Since the shooting she hasn’t said one word to me and I just know she blames me and I don’t blame her for blaming me. The only good thing is Trey has been amazing during all this he has really been the backbone of the family, he has helped Brandon and Aiden to understand what was going on and helped them deal with their feelings so I take my hat off to him.
As soon as the service started I couldn’t help but cry especially with everyone getting up and saying some really beautiful things about my baby girl. Now it was my turn,
"Umm first of I want to thank everyone for coming, it’s just a shame we have to be here to say goodbye to someone we love so much. It still hasn’t sunk in that she’ll never run up to me and wrap her arms around me telling me how much she loves me. I hate the fact that I’ll never see her smile again and that i’ll never get to experience threatening all the boys that look in her direction. But with all that said the past 10 years have the best years of my life, from the moment I held her in my arms I knew she was special and she had my heart…….. and now she’s" I could feel that I was about to cry and I tried to hold it in as best as a I could but I couldn’t, just looking at the casket made me break down.
"KACEY" I yelled "NO"
"Kacey" shouted Brandon
"No No No" I cried as I picked her up "It’s ok it’s ok daddy is here Kacey"
"Da-da- daddy" she managed to say
"It’s alright baby it’s gonna be alright"
"It- it hurts" she cried
"It’s gonna be alright just stay with me baby, come on Kacey, Kacey"
Her eyes then closed, I kept shaking her but she wasn’t responding.
"Kacey" I whispered "Please Kacey"
"Kacey?" cried Brandon
"Oh My God no" cried my mum
She wasn’t breathing anymore, there was no pulse, she was gone
(End of flashback)
"I’m so sorry" I cried "Kacey i’m so sorry I didn’t protect you, i’m so sorry…….why did they have to take my baby"
I then fell to floor in a flood of tears and unexpectedly Karrueche ran up to comfort me. The feeling of her arms wrapped around me made me feel a little bit better but I couldn’t control myself i’ve been trying to stay strong but I couldn’t nobody should have to bury their child.
Mijo then ran up and helped Karrueche bring me down from the podium back to my seat and then went back up to speak to everyone,
"On behalf of Chris and Karrueche and the rest of the family I just want to thank you all for being here and to finish off what Chris was going to say is that Kacey will forever live on in our hearts, she will always be our little angel. We love and we miss you Kacey. Thank you"
The priest then carried on with the service and then it was time to bury her but I wasn’t strong enough to do that. I was numb I couldn’t move, I just seriously wanted this to all be a bad nightmare but I knew it wasn’t.
"Chris" I heard someone say behind me, I turned around and it was Karrueche’s father.
"Y-yes" I managed to say
"This was not your fault, everything happens for a reason, she truly is in a better place"
"I can’t help but feel responsible" I told him "I should’ve protected her"
"You did the best you could"
"But was it the best I could’ve done"
"Listen you need to be strong if not for yourself do it for the rest of your kids they need you more than ever now and as much as she may not say it Karrueche needs you too"
"So what do I do?"
"Well for starters you should come with me right now to the cemetery to say your last goodbyes to Kacey"
"I can’t do it" I cried
"Yes you can, come on" he said then he helped me up and walked with me out of the church.
When we got outside to the cemetery they was lowering her casket into the ground, I walked up to Karrueche and held her hand and she squeezed my hand as she broke down in to tears.
"Aww don’t stop sucking baby" moaned Trey then the door bell rang.
"Were you expecting anybody" I asked Trey
"Don’t stop whoever it is can come back later" said he pushing my head back down but the door bell rang again and again.
"I’m just gonna go see who it is" I said to Trey
"Whoever it is tell them to come back later"
I opened the door and it was Mijo and Austin they looked really bad they had bruises on their face and it looked like they had been crying.
"Oh my god what happened to y’all" I asked
"Ummm…… Kae we need to tell you something" Mijo said "I-I think y- you might want to sit down"
"What’s going on?" asked Trey as he walked in
"I don’t know" I told him
"Something happened" said Austin he looked really pale and he was shaking
"Oh my god is it Chris? Is it the kids? What happened?" I asked in a panick
"I’m so sorry" cried Austin
"What are you sorry about?" asked Trey
"We had no control over it, it happened so fast" whispered Mijo
"Ok you two are scaring me what happened?" I asked again
"We were on the bus and then these group of boys came and tied us up and demanded money from Chris then a fight broke out and…………." explained Miijo
"And what" I yelled
"They shot her… … . … Kacey got shot"
"Oh my god Is she alright? Is my baby alright? Where is she?" I panicked
Then Austin shook his head and burst into tears “Sh- she didn’t ma-make it” he managed to say.
At that very moment I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my body, I fell to the floor and broke down into tears.
(End of Flashback)
After they finished lowering the casket into the ground and everybody laid down their flowers I just stood there staring. This just doesn’t seem real to me, I didn’t want it to be real.
"Karrueche we have to go" said Trey
"No i’m not leaving her" I told him
"It’s alright you go on with the kids i’ll stay with here with Karrueche a little bit longer" Chris said to Trey then he wrapped his arms around me.
It’s crazy that since this happened me and Chris haven’t even spoken, I know it’s wrong but I blamed him for Kacey’s death, even though everyone said Chris tried his best to protect her apart of me felt he should’ve tried harder.
"You blame me don’t you" whispered Chris
"Yes I do" I told him not taking my eyes off of where Kacey is buried.
"I’m so sorry Karrueche" he said bursting into tears.
Chris then fell to the ground in a flood of tears, I wanted to console him but my body wouldn’t let me.